Tuesday

Nik turned off the chainsaw and threw his earmuffs down,"It was cutting like a raped ape,then suddenly it was dullar then a small town on a Tuesday night,"he said holding up the saw.I walked to the tree.The inside was hollow with a detritus of rocks,nuts and thick soil.The left side was thin and didn't look like it would hold.Shit!

Disingenuous

Most trees were kind,passive beings,but every once in awhile you would cross a disingenuous soul so dark that you would actually believe that the tree was fighting you as you tried to cut it off from it's very literal root.As Nik finished his top cut,the wedge popped out too easily...Utt Ooh..trouble.

Twilight

Some people liked the early morning twilight,others preferred the twilight of the setting sun.It's the same thing,but different.Some people started their notch with a top cut,others from the bottom.I was a top notch guy myself,but it didn't bother me at all that Nikolas started his from the bottom.

Barnacle

Another reason to have a sharpened chainsaw was because I've seen too many things inside of a tree trunk that could make them go duller then a small town on a Tuesday night.Ice,nails,fence wire,golf balls,an old pirate ship,complete with a barnacle or two.Hell,'my own' chain had even caught squirrel tails,bird feathers and a colony of ants soo thick that it looked like water pouring out from the stump.

Paisley

Nikolas lumbered to the tree.I motioned for him to take off his ear protection,"Hey,"I yelled,"Make sure it's a damn good cut,'cuz there ain't no mules in Paisley Park'(Damn,I loved Prince),and I ain't one either.My fat ass can only pull so much."

Original

The reason why you always wanted to start notching a tree with a freshly sharpened blade is that sometimes after a re-sharping the saw could not follow the course of the original cut.(i.e.the dull blade had cut crooked).This could leave you in a very dangerous situation.

Scarf

In the time it took Nik to finish sharpening the saw,I openned the truck door,reached into my McDonald's bag,and finished the other half of my Big Mac.I just as quickly drank down the rest of my now luke-warm Coca~Cola.I offered Nik the rest of my fries.I didn't stay around to watch him scarf them down.I simply took the sledge and wedge,put them by the edge of the tree and grabbed the pull rope.

Cloudy

As Nik started filing down the rakers,I looked up into the somewhat cloudy sky.I imagined I saw Ahab forever riding his white whale.I looked to Nik,and then back to Ahab.It seemed we all had our own leviathans to cling to.

Delivered

This was not the first anti-war soliloquy that Nik had delivered.I think his cousin's injury affected him more then he knew.

Cheesybread

"It's just cheesybread comments like that that make me think how bad war must really be,"Nik said,flipping the file around to the teeth on the other side of the blade.The file slipped and he took a slice out of his finger,"Ouch,"Nik said first shaking his finger then sucking on it ,"Seems like dumb shit to me."

Green

Nik parked the saw against the backwheel of the truck,and started laying the rat-tail file down on it's teeth,"It's funny,Dave listens to Green Day,Pearl Jam & Neil Young,thinks we're stupid for being over there,but still wants to go back."

Pretibial

"How the hell you ever start drinking that pirate concoction anyway,Nik?" "My cousin,Dave,"he said,"Lost half his leg in Iraq.They gave him this fake leg.He calls it his 'Pretibial Peg Leg Ass Kicker'.We'd sit around his camp fire on his back patio and drink 'um.Dave says they ain't real flips unless you stick a hot poker in 'um just before you drink 'em."

Grok

"Soooo,"I said,as we reached my pick up truck,"Are you going to be drinking any of your grok with Alice tonight?"Nik grabbed the files and turned to me,"First off,Drew,it's 'Grog',and it's a pussy's drink...just watered down rum.I drink 'Flips'...dark beer,rum and molasses.It's what real pirates drank.It's what I drink."A smile crept upon his face,"But yes,'WE' might be drinking some."

Vacuous

In tree work,you rise through the ranks by starting off as a 'ground man'(an empty headed vacuous lout).As you gain knowledge,you work your way through the alphabet from 'D'
man-all the way up to 'A'(a super duper tree man).On paper,an 'A' man should be able to do everything.But very few men ever reach every stage of 'A'-ness.In fact,you can be an 'A',in say,knot tying,but still a 'B' or 'C' in saw cutting.Few trimmers ever become an all out-flow blown 'A'man' in every aspect of their game.

Beautiful

The beautiful thing about Nikolas sharpening the saw was that he was so much better at it then I was.Though,he was still only a 'C' man,he had the knack for pulling the round file back across the teeth,and pushing the flat file down against the rakers.Definately 'A' man work.

Docile

"All gassed and oiled,Chief,"Nikolas said handing me the big chainsaw."Whoa,my Padawan learner,how sharp is she?"I asked,knowing full well the answer."I didn't hit anything with it,"he replied.I handed it back to him,"Well,then you notch and flop it,I'll pull the rope.""Uhm,Maybe I should sharpen it first,"He said,walking back to the truck."I smiled,it didn't pay to let them get too docile on you in the tree business

Stalwart

I reached for my pull rope,tied a running bow-line in it and yanked it to the top of the tree.The rope had been my stalwart companion;first,when it was new(it had been my first new climbing line),and now,that it had been my pull rope forever.

Detritus

I put the coiled rope between my legs,made a few quick wraps and finished by making a slip-knot and tightening it.I threw it by the large trunk that I had just fell.The center,while hallow,was not empty.It was filled with a detritus of rotting wood,dirt,and bugs.It crumbled in my gloved hand.Huh,it was like soil from twelve feet above ground.

Mollycoddle

I noticed that Nik had stopped working while I was coiling up my rope...probably thinking about this Alice girl.I didn't want Nik to think I would 'mollycoddle' to him just because I liked him,"Yoh,homey,are you going to read haikus all day or are you gonna get back to work?"He stuffed his letter back into his pant's pocket.

Haiku

"So,does this girl have a name?"I asked rappelling down to the ground."Uh,"Nik said pulling out a crumbled up piece of paper from his pocket,"It says,'SBS haiku':

'Osquer sits under

her own faery tree wishing

upon shooting stars'

No,wait,"he flipped the paper over,"It says her name is ,Alice."

Tofurky(Just for SBS)

"What?"I said,wiping the sweat from my brow,"Please,don't tell me that she eats tofurky,and voted for Dennis Kucinich?">"No,man,she's nothing like that.She likes Jethro Tull,and is into poetry.">"Dam tree huggers,"I said,smiling.

Vodka/Aquarius

The trunk came crashing to the ground harder then a Russian on too much vodka.It busted up a dead branch and sent a piece flying over Nikolas'head."Headache!"I yelled as it whizzed pass him."Hey!watch it,"He yelped,"I've got this blind date with this Aquarius tonight,and her horoscope says she's gonna get lucky."

Rainbow

Determinedly,I started to cut the rest of the bastard off with my speedsaw.The quick sliver movement of my blade made me think of the old 'Rainbow',tune,'The Man On The Sliver Mountain'.I half sang/half yelled it while I pounded my way through the rest of the massive log,<"I'm the day,I'm the day.I can show you the way.And look I'm right beside you.I'm the night,I'm the night.I'm the dark and the light.With eyes that see inside you.Come down with fire.Lift my spirit higher.Someone's screaming my name.Come and make me holy again.I'm the man on the sliver mountain">.***Crrrraaack***Bang!PoP! She busted free!And began her descent

Wrinkle

I don't mind telling you that that put a new wrinkle into my plan.Cursing,I let the chainsaw hang down by the end of it's rope.*Shink!*Looked like I was gonna have to do this the old fashioned way.

Damage

Nik knew enough not to get under me while I was cutting.Any damage I would cause to the lawn was o-k'ed before hand by the owner,so that was not a problem.I was down to the last big piece of trunk.I quickly put my notch into the front;then I started my backcut.*SPRIIING*!Damn it!Two thirds through,my chain decided to pop off.

Lasagna

Tree slang could be vulgar,yet accurate.I didn't make up the terms,I just used them.I started up my saw.It was cutting like a raped ape.I went at that tree like Garfield on a pan of lasagna.

Meanwhile

Meanwhile,I had positioned myself perfectly in the tree to start hammering it.The shit was gonna fly,now.

Hay

Nikolas wasn't one of those'farm 'boys who honed their work skills by throwing hay all day.He was a city boy.But you couldn't tell it.He took the twenty inch chainsaw and started hacking the branch up into manageable pieces.

Altered

I smiled.That the running bowline knot came free easily in no way altered the fact that I still considered the cloth hitch the better knot.

Unicorn

To keep things fresh,we,as tree trimmers,sometimes used topical subjects and injected some of their humour into our own conversations."Hey,"yelled Nikolas,"This bowline came out real easily-and,hey...I just saw a unicorn.""What?"I shouted back,"The bowline came out real easily?"

Flap

The resulting crash caused a brief rush of air strong enough to make Nikolas' hair to flap up in it's breeze."Yeeh Haa!"he shouted as he went to untie my knot.

Waived

Snapped free by the undercut,the bark waived it's right to hold on any side or rip or tear.Nikolas let it swing until it's apex,then let the rope go.The limb fell perfectly onto the desired open area.